Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
