dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
