So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
