i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Boobs are out for the taking
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
