I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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