If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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