you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
