: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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