my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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