she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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