guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
