omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
