So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
