U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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