I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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