home. puking in laundry basket.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
