They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
