maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
