Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
