I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
