sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
