i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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