The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
