If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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