found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
