Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
