All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
