some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Enjoy the penises
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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