operation harelip BJ is a go
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
