Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
