drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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