We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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