After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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