I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
