HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
