so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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