It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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