My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
