then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
