do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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