True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
