At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
