Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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