They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
