Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
