I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
