I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
