I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
