Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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