I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
