call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
