Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You took a bar mat shot.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
