I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
