so explain again why im purple
no
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
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so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
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When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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