I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
