i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
