We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize