Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
