bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
