she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
