the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
