I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
