you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize