my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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