"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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