the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
